Susan Kaye Behm's Advocacy against abuse

What is forgiveness?

2008-09-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what forgiveness really means? I know that it's one of the keys to healing from the abuse that we've suffered. I believe that I've forgiven my abusers, yet, I also know there's a great deal of anger, hurt, shame, feelings of betrayal, etc. still there. So, I don't know if I've truly let it go and forgiven them completely. Any comments you would have on it would be greatly appreciated.

Will it ever end?

2008-07-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

As an abuse survivor I ask myself this question more often than not. Will it ever end? Will the emotional pain ever end? Will I ever have a night when it isn't disturbed by nightmares or a day that isn't disrupted by flashbacks? Will I ever be able to go to a store or to other public places and not worry about whether or not I will be able to make go in and not have a panic attack?

I wonder -- this is the torment of being an abuse survivor.

Struggles

2008-05-15T06:10:00.000-07:00

I know that there are other survivors out there that have gone through unspeakable abuse. Many of you are continuing to deal with issues in your adult lives. I would like to hear from you and give you the opportunity to share what issues you have faced, how you are coping with the issues. Perhaps, if enough people participate, we can put it together in a book to share with others who are dealing with the results of abuse. It's just a thought. Please don't be afraid to share because I mentioned a book -- if a book were to come of this, everyone will be guaranteed anonimity and the book would be a way off. I hope that you will feel free to share and encourage others to share.

The nightmare never ends

2008-04-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

For adults who were traumatized by childhood abuse / sexual abuse, their nightmare never ends. They grow up and escape their abuser, but the scars they received at the time will never heal. They can never recapture the abundant losses that they experienced at the time: loss of innocense, loss of dignity, loss of their virginity, loss of self-respect; and the list goes on. For many of these adults, the fact that they survived is a miracle in itself - many do not survive or commit suicide because they cannot deal with the overwhelming trauma they've experienced. Others who continue to survive, are plagued with nightmares and flashbacks and feel as though they are continually broken and that no one can fix them. They feel that they are very alone and that no one can understand the forever pain that they feel.

This is the legacy that we leave for those who are victimized by abuse. It must be stopped.

What can victims do to help themselves?

2008-04-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

There are times when the emotions and pain associated with a rape or sexual assault can be overwhelming. These feelings can come immediately after the assault or many years later. The following are things that you can do to help take care of yourself as you recover from the assault that you experienced.

Make yourself a cup of tea, or a soothing warm drink.
If it is safe to do so, go for a walk.
Spend time talking with a trusted friend or family member.
Take a bath.
Spend time with a favorite pet.
Workout, exercise helps to increase your bodies production of endorphins which help you to feel better.
Read a favorite book.
Write in your journal.
Find a creative outlet- music, painting, writing poems, etc.
Sign up for a self-defense course- it may help you to feel more in control.
Eat healthy food
Most importantly, remind yourself that it is alright for you to feel these emotions, they are normal reactions to an abnormal event.

There are also some things that victims of rape or sexual assault do to cope that are better to avoid:

Relying on alcohol or drug use.
Disclosing personal information in chat rooms or blogs.
Seeking out situations in which you feel unsafe.
Taking actions that undermine your self-worth.
Using food and unhealthy eating as a way to control your body and emotional state.
Inflicting harm on your body.
Blaming yourself for what happened.

Remember that whether the rape happened to you as an adult or as a child, it was not your fault. You are not alone. There are many people who want to be there for you if you will let them - take it slow and let yourself heal physically and emotionally.

Abused children become Anxious Adults

2008-03-21T10:57:00.001-07:00

Statistics have proven that children who suffer abuse as they are growing up become adults with anxiety disorders and suffer from post traumatic stress (PTSD). In a survey of over 4000 people, 82% suffer from some type of anxiety related to childhood abuse. The worse the abuse, the stronger the risk in people to develop this maladies.

Over a quarter of a million Americans will develop PTSD at some point in their lives after being victimized or witnessing violence or other tramatic events. The major categories contributing to this number are surviors of child abuse, and the rates go much higher for war veterans.

These things should tell us that we have to do something to stop child abuse. It is unfair to our children to steal away their innocense in childhood to face the cruelty of abuse and then to be hit with a double whammy of anxiety disorders and PTSD as the aftermath of their survival. Will anyone speak for those who cannot speak for themselves?

April is Sexual Assault Prevention Month

2008-03-11T12:15:00.000-07:00

April is the month that is set aside as National Sexual Assault Prevention Month. My question to you is what are you doing to help prevent sexual assaults? The statistics are staggering: in 2006, almost 250,000 victims of sexual assault - that means there's a sexual assault every 1-2 minutes. Over 60% of sexual assaults are never reported - either because of fear, embarrassment or whatever the reason. The saddest of all these statistics is that only 6% of rapists that are caught and prosecuted will ever spend one day in jail. (These statistics were taken from www.RAINN.org 's website).

I hope these statistics stir something within you as they did me and that we will work together to do all we can to stop this ever growing violation against men, women, and children.

The enduring nightmare

2008-03-05T10:15:00.000-08:00

What most people do not realize is that children who have been abused are actually traumatized. For the most part, these children grow into adulthood trying to cope the best they can with their warped set of values since no one usually intervenes for them emotionally. As adults, these survivors continue to have difficulty in their day to day lives because the trauma of their abuse continues to haunt them over and over making their lives as adults unmanageable. This is why the suicide rate is so high for those who have been abused. We must do something to reach out to these forgotten group in our society and stop the abuse before another child is traumatized and enters the nightmarish cycle.

The Abuse Continues

2008-02-26T11:45:00.000-08:00

Recently, world newspapers carried stories of 6 year olds being trained by the rebels in Iraq to be terrorist. Most people can only imagine what it would be like to be approached by a 6 year old child who will explode when you touch him or her. This type of thing plays on one's mental psyche. Imagine what it does to the child - if the child survives. Over and over again, we see in the world around us and in our own country just how expendible we feel children are. We are more upset about animal rights than we are those of abused children. This is nothing new. It is a story that has continued longer than the 50 years of my life. We must stop the trauma of abuse towards are children if we want to have any hope of a good future.

New Threat to U.S. Forces: Child Soldiers

2007-09-04T09:25:00.001-07:00

This was the headline in Sunday, September 2, 2007 Parade Magazine from the Washington Post.

One of the growing dangers to our troops today is child soldiers. The same mind set that took me and others of my generation to train us to be child soldiers/terrorists, is still at work in our modern age. We criticize our men and women in uniform for killing children -- yet, they have literally seconds to decide if a child is a threat to them. A 10 year old pointing an AK-47 can be just as deadly to our soldiers as an adult soldier.

The question posed in the magazine article was whether or not they should prosecute the child soldier or the warlord that employed them. I think the answer to that question is obvious. If it weren't for the warlords believing they had some advantage of using children and that they believed children are expendible, there would be no children soldiers. Prosecute the warlords, let's stop this most horrible form of child abuse. It steals not only the child's innocence, but also, their minds, their very being is no longer their own -- even if they are rescued from this -- a part of them will always live in this past nightmare. It's up to us to work to make it stop!!!! What will you do?

History Repeats itself

2007-08-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

I was horrified to read a news article regarding the "Nashi" movement in Russia. The principles and information given about this radical group all point to the Nazi Youth Movement during the reign of Hitler as well as the many current day Neo-Nazi paramilitary groups.

Anyway you look at it, we are talking about innocent children being taken, programmed, brainwashed, and tortured to follow the wills of a demented group that believes this is where there power will come from to gain a segment of world control.

We cannot idly sit by while so many innocent children are robbed of their most precious gift -- their innocence! It must be stopped. We must voice our outrage and take whatever steps we can to stop this from happening again to children.

Hell is for Children

2007-06-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

A little poem about the nightmare of child Abuse

Hell is for Children

They cry in the dark, so you can't see their tears
They hide in the light, so you can't see their fears
Forgive and forget all the while
Love and pain become one and the same
in the eyes of the wounded child.

Because hell, hell is for children
and you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell, hell is for children
and you shouldn't have to pay for your love
with your bones and your flesh.

It's all so confusing this brutal abusing
They blacken your eyes, then apologize
Be daddy's good girl, don't tell mommy a thing
Be a good little boy and you'll get a new toy
Tell Grandma you fell off of a swing.

Because hell, hell is for chidlren
and you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell, hell is for children
and you shouldn't have to pay for your love
with your bones and your flesh.
No. Hell is for children.

Childhood Soldiers

2007-06-01T12:56:00.000-07:00

Whether it is in the Western world or 3rd world countries, the programming and plight of childhood soldiers are the same. These children are robbed of the most valuable commodity they have in their young lives -- their innocense. They are programmed to kill and to survive. When they are rescued or released from the circumstances of their trauma, every day living becomes a major challenge to them. Their minds replay the horror they've seen and lived through. They are tortured with flashbacks by day and nightmares by night. We cannot continue to be a bystander and allow this epidemic to continue. I ask you what will you do to stop this living nightmare for these children or to help those who have survived this and are in so much pain emotionally that they need help, they need understanding, and they need love.

Great review from Reader Views

2006-12-13T07:40:00.000-08:00

The Journey: Beyond the Savage
Susan Kaye Behm
Xulon Press (2006)
ISBN 1600342574

Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Reader Views (11/06)

"The Journey: Beyond the Savage" is really a heart wrenching tale about a teenagers desire and battle to overcome her abuse. It is a sequel to "Civilized Savages," which is the story about this young lady as she was being ritually abused by a group called "The New Order." I have not read this first book, and I feel that this sequel, "The Journey," stands well on its own. I plan on reading the first book because the second one was so compelling.

The author, Susan Kaye Behm, is a survivor of abuse. She writes that much of "The Journey" was based upon actual experiences that she had. She wrote this book to help survivors know that there is hope and to help the rest of the world understand what people who are abused have to suffer through. In this story, Joey has already been rescued from the New Order. Her grandparents, who had been her caregivers, have been murdered. Joey becomes a victim of the system and is sent to live with her abusive and uncaring parents. She is horribly abused by them.
She does not report this because they threaten her with being locked up. This is something that she knows that she cannot endure. The townspeople also treat her with disdain. Nobody understands the
suffering and abuse that these kids went through. Kids at school mock them and attack them whenever they have a chance. Adults just turn their heads.

Joey and other New Order refugees unite and form a gang to try to protect themselves. Their desire for vengeance is great. Joey feels like they are continuing to do what The New Order programmed them to do. All this time she is being physically and sexually assaulted by family and friends of her family. At first she has no one to turn to. She is too ashamed to admit what is happening to her. As time progresses, Joey starts thinking about her relationship with God. She finds a teacher that
mentors her and lives a truly Christian life. She wants to believe so badly that there is a God. She wonders why these horrible things have happened to her. Joey gets strong and she separates herself
from the troublemakers. It is not easy. She works hard on getting good grades and makes plans to go to college. She never thought that she would be able to make a better life for herself. Her teacher shows her how she can do it.

Reading Joey's story and knowing that there is some truth behind the actual events that happened was really heart wrenching. I was angry that the system did not protect her. I also could feel the depth of despair that she felt as she was demoralized and abused. I was amazed at how much inner strength she possessed and that she did not kill herself. Joey's story inspires hope in people that feel hopeless. When in college, she accepted Christ into her life. Her life still wasn't perfect but she no longer felt so alone.

"The Journey" will inspire hope in people that feel that they have none. I hope it will also make social workers and teachers take a closer look at the people that they are supposed to be helping. For each person that reads this, I think in some way it will teach them compassion and open their eyes to the pain that someone who appears lost might be experiencing.

Holiday stress

2006-12-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

With the holidays fast approaching, more and more people are finding themselves under a great deal of stress. Often times, stress is the catalyst that pushes the abuse cycle into action. Remember it is everyone's responsibility to not allow abuse of any type to continue around them - report it, step in and stop it, do whatever is necessary so that not one more person need feel the pain of abuse. Especially around this joyous time of year, don't let it be ruined for a child or anyone else because of abuse.

To learn more about what abuse does to a child and as they must deal with it as they grow up, please read my book, "The Journey" - visit my website for more information: www.SusanKayeBehm.com.

Thanksgiving Message

2006-11-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to give you a Thanksgiving greeting. I trust that you will find something that you can be thankful for. We know that surviving our abuse is one thing we can be thankful for and that we can help others who are going through terrible things. We know that one person can make a difference.

When I speak to groups, I emphasize that we all need to care and we all need to take a stand because if we don't do it, who will? I encourage you to take a stand and make a difference.

2006-11-20T08:44:00.000-08:00

As a survivor of severe and traumatic child abuse of every type, I feel that I am one of the best advocates to speak out against abuse in every form. I do this in my speaking, in my books, and in every other avenue that is opened to me. It is my goal to use my talents to raise awareness so that people will know the epidemic that is running rampant in our country and will be moved to action so that not one more child or adult needs to enter the never ending nightmare of abuse.